Dear Abby: My fiance treats me like a child and its strange

Published: Saturday, May 10, 2025 at 6:00 am

Dear Abby: Fiance's Overbearing Care is a Relationship Red Flag

A man in New York, writing to Dear Abby, is struggling with his fiance's overly attentive behavior. The letter writer, a successful individual with multiple advanced degrees and a history of raising independent children, feels his fiance treats him like a child.

The fiance, a divorcee from a foreign country, appears to have a history of caring for her son, who has some spectrum disorder and ADHD symptoms. The letter writer believes her behavior stems from genuine care, but it manifests as constant inquiries about his comfort, hunger, thirst, and exercise. He's repeatedly told her he's an adult capable of making his own decisions, but the behavior persists. He feels he needs a lover, not a mother.

Dear Abby's advice is direct: the letter writer needs to be more assertive. She suggests he explicitly state that the behavior is a "turnoff" and that he's considering ending the relationship if it doesn't change. Abby emphasizes that if this approach doesn't work, the couple may not be compatible. The advice column, written by Abigail Van Buren (Jeanne Phillips), offers a practical solution to a common relationship issue: the challenge of navigating differing expectations and communication styles in a relationship.

Keywords: Dear Abby, relationship advice, fiance, overbearing, maternalistic, infantilizing, communication, relationship problems, adult, advice column, relationship issues, love, care, boundaries, turnoff, compatibility, New York, letter to Dear Abby.

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