Asking Eric: This man came back into my life and upset my emotions

Published: Sunday, February 15, 2026 at 9:58 am

Emotional Turmoil and Friendship Challenges: A Journalist's Perspective

In a recent advice column, a reader grapples with the unexpected return of a past love, while another seeks guidance on a recurring friendship issue. The first letter details a woman's emotional distress following an encounter with a former lover from 45 years prior. The man, who had previously married someone else without informing her, re-entered her life through mutual friends. Despite having built a fulfilling life with her current husband, the reader experiences a strong emotional reaction when seeing her former flame. A recent conversation, where he confessed his enduring love and expressed a desire to make amends, has reignited painful memories, leaving her struggling to manage her feelings. The reader, now 70, is finding it difficult to find a counselor with the experience to help her.

The advice column's response emphasizes that the man's actions, while potentially intended to offer closure, were ultimately self-serving. The columnist suggests the reader focus on self-forgiveness, comforting her younger self, and taking steps to limit contact with the man. This includes blocking his number and potentially communicating her need for distance to mutual friends. The columnist also encourages seeking professional help from a counselor experienced in trauma.

The second letter presents a different challenge: a long-standing friendship plagued by chronic lateness. Three women in their early 70s, who have been friends since junior high, struggle with one friend's consistent tardiness to their lunch dates. Despite repeated instances of arriving up to an hour late, the friend offers no apology. The other friend is frustrated by the lack of respect for their time.

The advice column's response suggests directly addressing the issue with the late friend. The columnist recommends framing the conversation as an invitation to improve the friendship, expressing the hurt and disrespect felt due to her tardiness. The columnist advises against resorting to deceptive tactics, such as setting an earlier meeting time, and instead encourages open communication to find a solution that respects everyone's time.

BNN's Perspective:

These letters highlight the complexities of human relationships, particularly as we age. The first situation underscores the enduring impact of past relationships and the importance of self-care and boundaries. The second illustrates the need for clear communication and mutual respect in maintaining healthy friendships. Both scenarios emphasize the value of addressing issues directly and honestly, rather than allowing them to fester.

Keywords: advice column, relationships, past love, emotional distress, friendship, lateness, communication, boundaries, trauma, counseling, aging, respect, self-care, amends, forgiveness

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